she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
