??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
