the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
