There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
