I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
whose parrot is this?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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