forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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