Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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