I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
