I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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