Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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