when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i will never coherently bang her
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
