Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
