How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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