That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
