Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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