i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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