When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you traded sex for a burrito?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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