I just threw up on my dentist
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
