Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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