I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
honey bunches of taint.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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