i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
