Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
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Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
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I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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