i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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