Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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