Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
