This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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