Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
