we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
