so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
