I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
