does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
