Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
