Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
