I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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