i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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