Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
