i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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