Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
