After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
