so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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