i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
