i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
