I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
