I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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