I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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