i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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