i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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