ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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