I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
