If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Two words: blizzard sex
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
