You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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