my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
