The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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