Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
