So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
