Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
