happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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