new low.... made out with someone while peeing
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
