Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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