I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
