So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
