someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
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