Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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