pedialite and red bull = repair kit
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
