my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
