i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
