you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
