Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
