my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
