i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
