I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
