I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
