Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
