i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
