just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
