The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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